distant echoes of my soul.

...

2009-01-19T18:58:00.000-08:00

my life is at a standstill.

or rather, it's in slow motion.

i'm bored, i'm lazy, and i feel so... purposeless.

one more week and i'll step into the halls of knowledge once again. academics will once more be my priority, and i will lose the luxury of my free time.

at least, from there, i can start getting my life moving again.

it's been fun though, taking a break from school, meeting new people, discovering new places, growing roots again and just having a good time.

i take a deep breath and find my lips curling into a smile as i realize that i really can grow roots here now. not like before when i was stuck between two worlds. i can start building my life here.

i chuckle as i realize that i've already started to do just that.

one more week of frolicking carelessly through the city and having the luxury of being bored at home. one more week of having all that free time.

and then...

my world will change. i can feel it.

something will start when i walk into the chaotic world of college life again.

i just know it.

(goal for next month: get my driver's license. definitely get my driver's license on february)

new years once again!

2008-12-31T04:19:00.000-08:00

i'll let myself be swept away the spirit of the new years and write a blog entry about it (hella late, i'm sure everyone else has got one already hahaha)

so, it's the last day of my first full year here in this foreign land. actually, it's not that foreign to me now. i'm still adjusting a little bit, but i'm altogether comfortable here, mostly thanks to melmel who's been there for me this whole time. :)

so now in this day where 2008 slowly turns into 2009, i can't help but look back into the year i call My Year of the Firsts. there were soo many things i did for the first time that i can't even recall most of them anymore hahaha. and of course there are first times that i'd rather tell you in private *wink wink*

hey, get your mind out of the gutter hahahaha

im happy to say that in all the hype of the new years i was able to talk to a lot of my friends and connect with them even briefly. i'm happy to end the year catching up with everyone, mending broken connections, forgiving and being forgiven.

i got to talk to chrisannielle! woohoo! that was fun, guess i went online at the right time :D i miss you guys and i'm so glad to see that after months of not having been able to talk to you we were still able to talk like we always do :D

but waaa elle nasaan ka?? hahahaha!

but i didn't get to ride Ace's 350z this year, boohoo.

anyway, here's to a happy new year, and may all of your new years wishes (if you even thought about making one) come true! make sure you do those resolutions! hahaha :D

WOW.

2008-12-11T03:14:00.000-08:00

this has been a woooow day. seriously.

first off... I GOT A PSP AND THE FINAL FANTASY TACTICS GAME FOR CHRISTMAS! :D :D :D

can you believe that? i'm sitting in the car with my friend Pedro driving and my bestfriend Melmel in the backseat when they finally reveal to me what the big secret that they were hiding was! Pedro got me the PSP and melmel got me the game :D

i had a big goofy smile on my face, omg, it was crazy, it was like a dream :D i screamed like a crazy girl who had just been gifted with a PSP (oh yeah, i was exactly that hahahaha)!

so now i only have to get a memory stick for it and i can start playing!

BUT i have a placement exam tomorrow, so i'm exercising extreme, high-level self control to not open my new game, hahaha.

after tomorrow, it's all fun and games until january 26 :D

christmas in the park on friday! woot! :D

thoughts released.

2008-11-18T17:48:00.000-08:00

it breaks me every time my thoughts inevitably stray to forbidden thoughts of you.

pixels on a screen rob me of all warmth and leave a cold, hard shell of my being.

i can't say i don't care that your smiles will never be for me. i can't say i don't wish for...things that were never within my reach in the first place.

i can't say a lot of things.

i'm reduced to typing on a screen with uncontrollably shaky hands, shivering even though the heater is turned up high.

go ahead, laugh at the obvious cliche situation that i'm in, and tell me that i'm wrong for doing things as i did them. make fun of my excessively dramatic thoughts. i don't care.

there is only one comforting thought in this unkind twist of reality:

you're smiling.

so long as that is a fact, i can cope with all the rest.

[*deep breath* ok, now back to that book i'm reading. ooh, there's a funny show on tv. hey, maybe i'll make a website right now. ok, i can do that while i'm listening to music and editing this video and debugging this program while brushing my teeth and... ]

Words taken from "Eldest", a novel by Christopher Paolini, second in the Inheritance Series.

2008-11-09T17:33:00.000-08:00

i present to you the conclusion to a conversation between Eragon and his Master Oromis.

For a long time, Eragon stared out the window, turning Oromis’s words
over in his mind. “You don’t believe in an afterlife, then.”

“From what Glaedr said, you already knew that.”

“And you don’t put stock in gods.”

“We give credence only to that which we can prove exists. Since we
cannot find evidence that gods, miracles, and other supernatural things
are real, we do not trouble ourselves about them. If that were to change,
if Helzvog [a god] were to reveal himself to us, then we would accept the new
information and revise our position.”

“It seems a cold world without something... more.”

“On the contrary,” said Oromis, “it is a better world. A place where we
are responsible for our own actions, where we can be kind to one another
because we want to and because it is the right thing to do instead of be-
ing frightened into behaving by the threat of divine punishment. I won’t
tell you what to believe, Eragon. It is far better to be taught to think
critically and then be allowed to make your own decisions than to have
someone else’s notions thrust upon you. You asked after our religion, and
I have answered you true. Make of it what you will.”

just something to ponder about. :)

(an obvious) thought

2008-10-05T15:37:00.000-07:00

one of these days you'll find someone who seems perfect. if you haven't already, i mean.

the first few weeks of your acquaintance will be almost ideal; long conversations, fun moments, lots of laughter.

i call this the "honeymoon phase".

but as time passes, you'll start to float back down from that ephemeral heaven. flaws and qualities about them that you realize you really don't like will start showing.

of course, there really is no ideal person.

but what makes or breaks your relationship is whether you decide to accept him/her exactly as he/she is.

and whether that person makes the same decision.

that's how friendships grow. that's how love blooms.

its a decision that you make everyday.

i took a trip down memory lane...

2008-10-01T19:15:00.000-07:00

...and i came back smiling and laughing. :D

so many precious moments captured in little items. letters, pictures, notes, gift wraps, tickets, trinkets, even tissue paper... mostly from my high school days, a little from my college days.

the campaign button when i ran for batch rep (and lost, lol)...

the ateneo pin...

doodles that i did before...

the note someone gave me thinking i wouldn't know it was him (he always used the same pen and had a very distinct handwriting, nyahahaha)

backstab papers (remember those? those were interesting, haha)...

and other stuff that made me remember about the moments that i almost forgot about...

all in the past, perfectly preserved in my memory...

at least until i lose a few more brain cells, haha.

i used to cry whenever i opened this memory box of mine... but now i just smile as i stroll down the road, backwards into time. reveling in the remembered sights, sounds and sensations.

i suppose the reason we all love memories is that they're one of the rare things that never change.

but now, as i open my eyes and take in my surroundings, i look to the future, keeping the past in my heart and, most importantly i believe, making sure i enjoy every moment of today.

woohoo, can you believe it, a complete blog post, hahaha :D

i am using my multiply blog because i want to rant about Twilight!

2008-08-04T12:52:00.000-07:00

mwahahahaha! yes, i've been off the map for a while... i doubt anyone noticed, but still :p anyway...

i have just finished reading Breaking Dawn, the fourth book to Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga!

*breathes in deeply* ah yes, there's nothing quite like this feeling of finishing a really good book... the strange state of being in between two worlds; my own and the world i just recently plunged into.

i thought that Breaking Dawn was perfect, the most perfect ending to the series. I'd love to tell you specifics, but i know some people have not read it yet *wink wink at lexie* ^_~

it made me smile hugely and feel oddly content and fulfilled... a sign that it was a great book :p

the plot managed to surprise me, which is amazing, because plots hardly surprised me anymore. i usually manage to guess before they reveal it. well, i did that too this time, but still, it was a turn of events i never suspected, so i am very amazed and very happy about that :D

if you haven't read the books yet, YOU REALLY SHOULD. lol, i know, most people don't like to read, but this is worth it, just second to reading the Harry Potter series.

*looks around at my blog layout* i suppose i should start redecorating... i'm not used to the layout not being made by me anymore... :p

but i'll do that later. right now i shall revel in the peaceful serenity that this wonderful story has given me, no matter that it's short lived. i'll be going to work later. oh well.

*drifts off with a serene smile on my face*

THANK YOU

2007-04-15T06:43:00.000-07:00

annie, tintin, apple, elle and maann :D

*sniff sniff* salamat tlga! XD

hehe, you really surprised me, i really didn't see it coming. i am so lucky to have friends like yooooo :D

thank you so much for making me feel so good :D i'll never forget this great gift :D

I LURVE YOU!

the day before judgement day and after birthday

2007-04-09T23:00:00.000-07:00

waaaah...tomorrow. april 10, 2007, my fate will be decided...

i hope i pass math 17,,,

but hey, i had fun yesterday! XD i spent the whole day with chrisannielle (pero sayang tlga, namiss ko tlga si elle...) and mom and tita myra :D

kain sa Pier One (amazed si tita mai that i never ate there before)...cute ung super liit na kaldero, nyahaha!

laro, (we all never won a single game..haha! at frustrated ako dun sa crane game, grr) picturan (haha! kakatawa kami sa picture booth, first timers!) and kantahan sa timezone (spent most of our time there, naglolokohan lang, haha!)...

kain ng dessert (hazelnut banana chocolate, sayang nakalimutan picturan un) sa Crepes and Cream (mmm...sawap!)...

nd finally, after pinagtripan ang malaking bolang nagiiba ng kulay, nakauwi na kami :D

probably spent the most moneythan i ever did in one day..but hey, it really didn't matter that much, because we were having fun (uh, right girls? haha!)

thanks kay mama, siya ang aming sponsor! :D except for dessert, ako yun, mwahaha XD

mga bading, thank you so much for celebrating the day with me... you don't know how much it meant, seeing your faces again and talking about anything and everything like we always do... made me realize how much i've missed you gurlz and the comfort you bring...thanks so much :D

oi, di nagtatapos dito, may swimming pa tayo!! :D

pics to follow, but you can probably find them sa multiply ng mga tao XD

*still sings happy birthday to me*

holy week + birthday rants

2007-04-08T00:45:00.000-07:00

wow, can't believe it's been seventeen years since my mom went through the pains of labor to bring me into this world.

oh yeah, i just spend the whole good friday in silence...it really makes me appreciate the gift of words. still, it made me realize that silence is not appreciated enough. hmmm...had other thoughts when i was silent. thing is, there were times when i felt like i wasn't really silent, coz thoughts kept on coming in my mind and i felt like i was talking the whole time. only i wasn't. gets? XD

anyway, i'll be going to MOA tomorrow (first time, weeeee!) and i hope we all have a good time.

elleeeeeeeeeeee!! miss na kitaaaaaaaaa!!!! sana pinayagan ka, huhuhuhuhu.. :'(

oh well...next time, ok?

SEE YOU MGA BADING!!

*sings happy birthday to me*

vow of silence

2007-04-05T03:23:00.000-07:00

ok. i'm trying to keep calm about this. this is just frustrating.

i can't even stop myself from talking to myself out loud.

i mean, hello. can't i even THINK SILENTLY??

no one's even around to talk to, i mean, what is that??

this is ridiculous. i know i can do this.

God help me.

it's april

2007-04-01T23:45:00.000-07:00

haha, i wonder what that means :P

last week of classes

2007-03-17T00:12:00.000-07:00

waaah! i still have tons of stuff to do!

i'm goin to cagayan this friday (i think...)

so i'm gonna have to finish some stuff there...but right now, i need to finish my cw10 fiction paper!!

wala lang, type lang ako, nyahaha:)

if there's one thing i learned...

2007-03-12T08:44:00.000-07:00

...in the first sem of my college life, is that when you extend help to someone, make sure that the person you are extending help to actually WANTS to be helped.

and if there's another thing i learned, it's that assuming things will NEVER be a guarantee to anything, no matter how sure you may be.

and please stop the mind games.

please.

Luxie is connected!

2007-02-25T07:33:00.000-08:00

yeah! i can't believe i'm typing this on Luxie! at long last!

haha! ang babaw :P

but hey, i'm happyyyyy!XD

though there are still some things nagging at the back of my mind...

ah well, come what may :)

they say...

2007-02-09T06:53:00.000-08:00

girls are more vocal about their feelings than guys.

hmm, more vocal maybe.

pero bakit andaming guys with blogs that explicitly publish all their hurts and feelings to the world?

i can think of a good example...

i can even think of three good examples :P

make it four, pero ung isa hindi lovelife. XD

gusto niyo ng links??

ayoko nga, puro guys nga e, delikado.

haha. i just thought na we shouldn't stereotype all men. after all, stereotyping is bad :P

in some cases it's useful though.

mwehehe, wala lang tlga, gusto ko lang magtype.

wala naman kasi akong date this valentine's...hmph.

well, kailan ba ako nagkaroon ng date sa valentines??

i don't think i ever did...did i? ewan! :D

i still have an MP to finish, and luxie will help meeh!

cnu kaya si luxie?

haha XD

i am officially in love...

2007-02-07T03:17:00.000-08:00

with my MacBook!! nyahahahaha!

finally! after much delay...it's here! XD

and it's perfect for my Java programming :D

nyahaha, HAPPY VALENTINE's everyone!

i have a date...

with...

sssh.

deh, joke lang XD

unless... ^_^

2007: The Debut Year

2007-01-13T05:47:00.001-08:00

and i am so excited XD

well, it's the debut year for most of the girls in our batch anyway (er, right?)

and Apple's debut would be the first one i'd attend :D

weeee! hehe, friends get to see each other again after almost a year of college...but i honestly think that nothing much has changed. it's still the same old people that i've come to know and love :D

it's good that we've been able to stay in touch after HS...

it seems like a lot of people have been writing about how life in college is getting on right now...some happy, some nostalgic, some unsettled, all pretty much discovering new things.

and it got me wondering about my life as it is right now. i've lost that "oh-yeah-i'm-in-college-and-it's-so-new-and-so-cool" mood...or maybe it's just that i am perpetually in that mood so i don't notice it anymore XD

the point is, things have been bland the past few week, with a few exceptions here and there, but i feel like i'm missing out on a lot of things...

i mean, i should be partying and attending concerts and getting home after dark while making new friends...where is the fun hiding??

or maybe i'm just too lazy to do anything short of fun. :P

i'm planning to apply for JMA next sem, but this sem, i'm gonna take a chance at CURSOR. it's easier to defer than not try at all, so why not.

my days have been filled with TV, sleep, a little schoolwork and more sleeping. ghad, give me some work to do. i mean, i don't mind staying up late if it's for a reason other than mindlessly surfing the net just because i can't sleep. (though that's probably the fault of...nevermind XD)

"in a mad world, only the mad are sane"

2007: The Debut Year

2007-01-13T05:47:00.000-08:00

Wonderful Crazy

2007-01-05T01:17:00.000-08:00

my current fave song ^_^ i think it pretty much sums up my life right now, nyahahaha XD

Welcome to a new day
Don't know whats on the way
But whatever it is I'll be ready
On your mark get set go
Here's the show and the road
But with you it's a load I can carry
And with each breath I would take it
Every moment gonna make it

CHORUS
It's a wonderful crazy
It's a beautiful out of control
Kinda scary amazing
But I don't really mind at all
It's like I'm falling, flying, laughing, crying
Hanging on and letting go
Cause my life's so wonderful crazy
Crazy, crazy...

Some days get intense
And breakdown my defense
But I'm here and I'm not giving up
Gonna take in the sights
On the ride of my life
Living just to survive's not enough
So much love to discover
I don't need any other

It's a beautiful crazy
I'ts a beautiful out of control
Kinda scary amazing
But I don't really mind at all

(i might embed the song in this blog, ehehehe, adik XD)

i threw out a lot of stuff yesterday...

2007-01-03T05:52:00.000-08:00

old test papers.
past homeworks.
scratch papers.

and a whole bunch of unidentifiable papers :P

(ok, here comes the drama..)

and as i stood in the midst of the dark kitchen, in front of the trash can...i took a deep breath and let it all go...the faint thud of papers against the rustle of plastic gave a kind of finality to it all...

at least my room is cleaner than before.:)

after all, i need to throw out the extra luggage to make room for the new...

how can i take more risks and plunge head first into life if i leave the old adventures on the shelf to gather dust?

but even if the physical remnants of the past is now sitting at the bottom of the dumpster...

memories of them would always, always remain in the everlasting depths of my mind ^_^

and i didn't throw everything away..i like looking back once in a while:)

but for now...i have a math exam result to actually look forward to and a new day of school to enjoy tommorow^_^

plus this other thing to enjoy :P

anyway, i just wanted to rant away, mwehehehe :)

new layout!

2006-12-29T08:45:00.000-08:00

oh yeah!

haha, i made this in about 6 hours or less..yahoo! :)

tag me and tell me what you think! ^_^

i took the liberty of making it look decent on both firefox and IE, and it looks okay on 800x600 and 1024x786 resolutions , yay:)

not sure how it looks on bigger resolutions though, so if you do have a bigger resolution, please tell me how it looks if you can ^_^

heehee, yay!

i cannot put a title...

2006-12-27T10:09:00.000-08:00

...on such an event.

if you don't know yet, you'll probably know pretty soon, 'coz i just can't shut up about it XD

i'll post something about that later, baka lalong ma-inflate yung ulo ng isa jan...mwahahaha!:) but it's fine with mee, mwehehe ^_^

anyway, i have this thought begging to come out, so here it goes:

you know the saying...

"wise is the man who learns from his experience, but wiser is the man who learns from other people's experience"

or something like that. anyway, i think it needs to be modified a bit...like this...

"wise is the man who learns from his experience, but wiser is the man who learns from other people's experience...though the wiser man tends to be emptier "

i think it's good if you learn from toher people's experiences and not make the same mistakes they made...but i think the person who actually experiences the pain and all the shit thatcomes with the experience is essentially better off.

i believe you can never fully understand an experience or a feeling until you've experienced or felt it yourself. sure you can see the logic of it all and you've gone through life without the problems because you've been forewarned, but then again, you won't be able to enjoy the happy times without knowing what the crappy times are like. you are empty.

wiser, yes.

but happier?

maybe, in some cases, not.

i could be wrong here, but i just think that it's important to take risks from time to time. i mean, you never know exactly what might happen.

whether it's a math17 exam you're afraid of failing (again)...

or a confession from a rationalist guy who has a God-complex and wants to terminate Gloria. XD

life's chaotic that way.

but it wouldn't be life otherwise.

so yes, i am giving myself another chance.

i may still be stupid now, but i can be sure that i am less stupid than before.

you do not know what you're getting yourself into dear. heck, i don't know what i'm getting myself into as well. but somehow...

maybe it's worth a shot. :)

maybe. XD

dammet, i am so addicted XD

i can't believe that...

2006-12-07T05:03:00.000-08:00

...i've been in UP Diliman for about 7 months.

...i learned a lot of things in less than one year.

...i'm getting fat.

...i have this great opportunity to be who i want to be.

...i failed Math17 last sem.

...i'm taking math17 again this sem.

...my first academic failure was achieved in UP.

...i got a 1.75 in sir Feria's class.

...i actually know how to program now.

...i'm the leader of a group of upperclassmen (waah)

...i'm being tested right now.

...i have a bunch of orders that i need to finish by next week.

...there is a laptop in my (near or far) future.

...there is something else in my (near or far) future.

...i'm talking nonsense (oh wait, that's very believable)

...i know how to factor an expression properly.

...i'm taking a subject with a teacher who hates Gloria and will get burnt when he reads the Bible (kidding, but half true)

and most of all.....

..I AM A COLLEGE STUDENT. (in UP Diliman! can you believe that??)

*sigh* it used to be that homework was "skip counting"...

now its "factor the expression, simplify and find x. then graph the function using the imaginary number-real number cartesian plane" (ok, not exactly, but you get the point)...

but hey, i'm loving every moment of it ^_^

thoughts. a lot of them.

2006-11-28T06:05:00.000-08:00

it's strange...

i seem to spend more and more of my time engrossed in my own thoughts...

i find myself constantly pondering on something...i seldom have daydreaming moments about mundane things...just stuff about the world around me...like i'm shaping my mind...making unconcious efforts to gain more insight about evrything around me...

making myself a better person...

thinking before leaping...

looking back at past mistakes... and trying to learn something from it.

i've mastered the art of walking. constant practice in U.P. has given me enough practice for this elusive and unrecognized art. it requires physical strangth and mental stability, plus a bit of imaginative daydreaming and some thinking techniques.

hahaha, ewan! i feel weird...

it used to be that all that mattered was sharing my thoughts to everyone...no matter how unfinished or crude the line of thought was...

but now i learn to keep my mouth shut until i'm sure of what to say...

ghad! what have you done to me, UP??

and you, person-who-always-keeps-my-head-busy!!

oh well, i like it anyway :P

i have a LiveJournal!! and Limewire!!

2006-11-20T08:10:00.000-08:00

mwahahahaha!

we were required to make a LiveJournal account for my creative writing (CW10) class, and if you wanna check it out: click here (it will open a new window)

watch out for the face of the cat there! i could change it! mwahahaha! cute! ^_^

"Uniqueness Redefined" is my latest post there (as of now) and it talks about... someone. XD

someone very unique and is really fun to talk to.

just read it if you're interested.

heehee, its pretty cute and i might consider moving everything there...but i'm loyal and biased, so i'll stay with blogger a li'l while, mwahaha ^_^

at least until i get tired of their service...they're pretty slow. livejournal has a lot more features.

and i have Limewire! endless possibilities await! including the possibility of my computer crashing, but what the hey, i'm not stupid, i DO know what i'm doing XD

haha, i just had a weird day, so hyper.

again, check out my LiveJournal, hmmmkei? XD

Philo 11: Mathematical Logic

2006-11-16T05:02:00.000-08:00

that is one of my GE's this sem.

it is under the SSP domain.

i have to go all the way up to AS rm. 400A (which is at the 4th floor, obviously) just to be able to attend this one-and-a-half hour class that's worth 3 units.

it starts at 10am and ends at 11:30pm, which is lunchtime for most of us, but apparently not for me.

it has the word MATHEMATICAL in it, and that alone should have been enough reason for me to run around the whole campus screaming "nooooooooo!!!!"

but guess what? i took it anyway.

and i don't regret it. not one bit.

(well, not yet at least :P)

Logic in UP is not like the Logic subjects in other schools which teach "Aristotellian" logic. that logic is best suited for learning theology.

Mathematical Logic, however, is best suited for the sciences.

we've been told that UP is the only university in the Philippines that teaches this kind of logic. (if i am wrong, i apologize, but among the four major universities, it is the only one that teaches mathematical logic)

and this subject is taught by Prof. de Villa...and i like how he teaches this subject.

his favorite line is "...(we can have capabilities) independent of the gods and the deities."

BUT, let me clarify that he has not said anything about denying the existence of a god. he just stresses the fact that we cannot rely on them all the time (if there was anything to rely on), because admittedly, knowing that a low pressure area has appeared somewhere is a better prediction of rain than doing a rain dance for the gods.

yes, i think this sem will be a very interesting one.

very interesting indeed.

One learns many things in UP...perhaps i will finally understand and establish what i truly believe in.

i no longer want to be someone who simply says "yes" to anything that i uncover, be it from a relative, professor, a friend or a priest.

i want to do something not because i have to, but because i want to, at a certain degree, and i have established that it would be the most advantageous move for most people who are concerned with the situation.

mind you, i would not turn into an atheist or an activist just because a lot of people turn out that way when they enter this university or because people tend to expect that from a person in UP.

but i'm not saying it's not possible, either.

my philosophy in life has always been about choices and that one's choice always matters in anything. so, i believe that it's time i stabilize the foundation of what i believe in. i choose what i believe in, no one can tell me what to believe or not.

as of now, i stand firm in my choice to believe in God, despite acknowledging the fact that he/it might not exist.

it's just that the society that shares this belief has blurred the concept of religion for me.

you see politicians, taking from the weak so that they may feed their hunger for wealth and lust for power, then go to mass.

you see people flock together, spend millions to set up an event to praise God, and then see the same people talk about each other behind each other's backs (and the topics are not all nice things, i tell you).

you see people killing each other in the name of their respective gods.

as i've said before, i know that nothing is perfect, not even a community praising a perfect being. but sometimes, this makes it hard to continue.

i think i'm being pessimistic right now. i never was able to think clearly. but still...something is wrong.

i guess it's just that i don't agree with a lot of things that has been taught to us.

call me a disillusioned young one.

but i will understand someday.

for now, my guess is that society is the one responsible for the corruption of the faith of many.

argh, my head hurts.

i don't know if i explained myself clearly, i was never the best at explaining what i thought, but i'd like to think that i'm getting better each day.

sometimes knowing more than what is required is not always a good thing.

i think the world will be plunged into chaos if they suddenly find a way to be able to effectively disprove the existence of God. everything that they have worked for would have been for a being that is non-existent.

but i believe that someone/something does exist...perhaps it's just that our interpretation of how he/she/it acts and moves is wrong. perhaps. we might never know.

but, as prof. de Villa has said, logic is there for us to have better control of our lives. it is not necessarily there to make us thwart our religion entirely.

bah, this post must've been a boring read for you. ah well, glad you finished it anyway :)

*supercalifragilisticexpialidocious*

i survived

2006-11-11T09:00:00.000-08:00

*sings "i'm a survivor" while typing*

now i only have to survive the rest of my life.

oh sh**, last post na pla ung last time :P

anyway...

sembreak is almost over, a new sem is about to start...

i have two missions:

1. PASS MATH17!
2. Get a GWA of 1.5 to be a College Scholar!

yeah! ^_^ V

ok, the second is a bit ambitious, but as they say, "aim high" di ba?

aim for the moon. even if you miss, you land among the stars...

dammet, isn't it the other way around?

the people who said this must have not listened to their physics teacher...

or maybe it was BECAUSE of their physics teacher! XD

anyway...

i now know that the feeling never goes away...
it stays with you, but you just learn to live with it.

last na un, swear! XXD

this is absolutely the last post i'll ever make about him, ok?

2006-10-31T10:21:00.000-08:00

(forgive me if some of you are offended, i just need to say this. let me clarify that this is not targeted to anyone in particular.)

you should really give him a chance. he really isn't that bad of a person. and in my opinion, you don't have the right to judge him...you don't have the right to say those things about him, it really isn't fair.

ok, he might be a bit annoying sometimes, but i don't know, i think you're exagerrating...

he does deserve to be cluster head...he was chosen to have that job...he really does want to serve the Lord...and he's really good at what he does at the Ycom, and he loves working there, so don't blame him if he wants to work there...

give him a chance to show that he's a nice person who just wants to get along with everyone like everybody else does...

again, i don't mean to offend. some of you probably have reasons why you feel the way you do...but for some that don't...be reasonable...

i just don't think it's fair...

and i don't regret ever being with him...i loved every moment, the good, the bad and the all the other times...

but i know it's time to move on...i know my fairy tale is over...it didn't have the last line that most fairy tales have...

but maybe it was meant to be that way, maybe it was meant to just teach us both something, not to keep us together...there's a reason for all of this, i know, i know.

just give me time to accept everything i know.

but please don't judge him before you even make an effort to know him. that's just damn mean.

if you have a problem with him, don't be a coward and tell him. you'd be doing him, and yourselves a favor.

i want him to be happy. i hope he finds a girl who understands him, even more than i do. someone who'll love him despite the things that people say.

someone who will love him even more than i did/do.

but i also hope that he can find a way to stand up on his own without needing a girl by his side.

i really do admire his passion for his work and how he praises God.

so i hope he finds happiness. in whatever form it may come.

just please....

if one of you people know something...if you know something about what he's doing or who he's courting or whatever. please...

do not tell me.

i.

do.

not.

want.

to.

know.

i want to know if he's happy and alive...

i just don't know if i can handle knowing why....

dammet.

i need to get out of this awkward stage of acceptance and letting go...i've tried this before, but i never managed...

i think it's time that i did.

under the stars

2006-10-29T03:14:00.000-08:00

i'm back from the metrocon...and i brought with me a head full of thoughts...and a heart full of...emotions...

i can't really express them all..i do have a problem with explaining myself and conveying my thoughts properly...

my tears went unseen...but flowed incesantly...though invisible to everyone but me.

i regret a lot of things...i want to do a lot of things...and i apologize for a lot of things...

but someday i hope to be able to stand up one day and tell the world my happy ending...

and i've made a few discoveries...like the existence of something called "YFC politics"...

but hey, nothing's perfect, even a community that praises a perfect being....

basta...it was very refreshing to go back again...i'm glad i gave this another chance...

ugh, my head hurts...i'm gonna lie down...

*i choose to believe that there is a God despite knowing the possibility that there might be none*

Failure

2006-10-25T04:22:00.000-07:00

...it is perhaps the most horrifying word an honor student can hear or see...

as i was staring at that little black number, i wondered if i could bear to do everything all over again...

*sigh*

this hasn't been my greatest day...

i only have one last chance...

i won't blow it.

i just can't fail again.

I WILL PASS MATH 17 NEXT SEM.

i just felt a huge urge to type...

2006-10-24T08:56:00.000-07:00

but i have absolutely no idea what i'm gonna type about...

hmmm..

oh yeah, i have a few thoughts..

...it's so hard to grow a plant...

but so easy to kill it.

...it's so hard to build trust...

even though one act can destroy it.

...it's very tiring to achieve something...

but very easy to just give up.

...it takes a lot of time to type a good essay...

but it takes only a second to select all and delete.

...it's so hard to be understanding...

but so easy to be jealous.

...it's so hard to earn money...

but so easy to spend it.

...it takes a lot of effort to live...

but it doesn't take much to die.

why is that?

maybe life was never meant to be easy...

again, why is that?

maybe it's because the negative always gives identity to the positive...without the negative, the positive cannot be appreciated for all its essentiality...

crap. yes, i know.

hmmm...what do you think?

i don't think very well, so i just try to voice out my ideas, 'coz they might they slip away.

bah. maybe i'm just bored.
------------------

((talking to myself...))

LOVE.

ah, there's a word that everyone seems to get all worked up about.

everyone is secretly (or perhaps openly) waiting for their own fairytale story...

a prince charming meeting a princess and falling oh-so-madly-in-love instantly...

blame the Disney Princesses and the Grimm Brothers because of the shit that they feed us in our days of childhood...for all the "love at first sight" lines and all that "happily ever after" crap that we get from reading and/or watching their sugar-coated-with-sprinkles-on-top-behind-rose-colored-glasses stories...

now, it might just be my cynical/pessimist/bitter side talking(or, in this case, typing) here...so i apologize to all the romantics out there...

no, i actually don't feel sorry at all, i mean, it's my blog and i am not forcing you to read this, but out of politeness, i apologize anyway...

we grow up in a prettified version of life...then we find out that everything is not as it seemed to be and we end up getting all confused and emo and stuff...

hmmm...it's sad...but i guess it's good that we get to learn about the darkness of life by ourselves, so that we can fully appreciate the light when it comes...

there's just something wrong about wishing for a happily ever after that will never come...

or will it...?

what do you think...charlyn?

(honestly diane, i do not know...maybe i'll just force myself not to care until the moment comes that i have to...mwahahaha)

XXXXX yes, i am talking to myself using my two names, you got a problem with that? XXXXXX

---------------

the worst thing is being in love with the thought of being in love...

no, what's worse than that is NOT KNOWING if you really are in love...or JUST in love with the THOUGHT of being in love...

yuck. i'm getting all icky...

bwahaha!

-------------------

eniwei, enough with the mushy stuff that's probably been handed down from generation to generation...

CLASS CARDS DISTRIBUTION SA MATH BUKAS!!!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

and..

REUNION WITH TULUNGIN!!

C U PIPOL!!

chains

2006-10-22T09:49:00.000-07:00

has this ever happened to you?

your phone rings...

*BEEPBEEP!*

1 message recieved

you jump up and down like a little child who just realized it was christmas while yelling "yay! may nagmamahal! may nagtext! baka si...(put name of crush here)!"

you open the message...it loads...and it reads:

"97% of people won't send this! God died on d cross bcoz He was thinkin of u! be part of the 3% who will send dis! "

...or

"this is a test: if u luv God (tapos unli ka pa), send dis 2 as many people as u can..."

...or something of the same essence.

now, what do you do?

perhaps a lot of my friends would send this to their whole globe/smart contact groups...

as for me...i press the little "C" button and delete it.

as a rule, i never forward any chain mails/text/letters...

EVEN IF IT IS ABOUT GOD.

i have a few reasons...

1.) the text says that 97% of people do not foward that message...but do they have any proof? any statistics or research to actually PROVE that that is true? and if you think about it, some people may have sent it just to brag that they are one of the few who sent that message...

2.) it says "this is a test: ..." well, i believe that i do not need to send a chain text to prove my faith, i prefer showing it through my actions. and anyone can send a chain text, even people who do not believe, so it's not really an effective test, is it?

3.) it pisses me off, period. especially those that tackle your conscience like the first example or those texts that accuse you of not loving God just because you won't send the message.

4.) besides the "if you love God" kind of messages, those messages that spread news of bomb threats and stuff that they claim as "news" and "facts" are , in my opinion, not to be trusted.
dare ask me why? sure there's a possibility that they are true, but they can also be fraud and may be a product of some cruel joke. ever heard of the word "gossip"? if you wanna know the truth, refer to more reliable sources.

i even heard of the story of the pastor who was sent a chain message of the same essence, he didn't send it either. and he's a PASTOR. (not that it gives any credibility to my evaluative case, but i just wanted to include that.)

look, if you want to proclaim your faith, the best way (in my opinion) is to do good to others. i believe that even atheists who do not believe in God but keep on helping people, doing good and touching lives in good ways can be accepted in heaven (assuming that our concept of heaven does exist) and are better off than devout Catholics who cheat, lie, maim, destroy and basically do more bad than good to other people and themselves. they might have a different reason as to why they do what we categorize as "good", but hey, the fact remains that they do...and maybe that's all that matters.

we all could do with a bit more skepticism in our lives. it would benefit anyone to be a critical thinker, one who does not instantly believe all the information he/she is given.

aagh!! it is so annoying! please, please, please! don't send me anything that is meant to be forwarded!

people might come up with a counter-argument for this, and i am not saying that i am completely right, but i will not send any chain whatever to anyone.

i rest my case.

Dead or Alive

2006-10-17T06:33:00.000-07:00

haha, we just watched Dead or Alive :D

heehee, i liked Christie, yay^_^

anyway, what am i gonna post today?

i'm just super hyper because i had a nice time with my friends!:)

someone asked me a question, and my answer is this: i hope that everything will happen spontaneously...bahala na si God. ^_^

basta! nyahaha! o.O

that's all really...i'm sleepy...

NO MORE MATH 17!!!! (i hope)

2006-10-16T04:47:00.000-07:00

YES!!!

at long long long long last! the final exams are OVER! O-V-E-R! ^___________^

and i once again sing a song that most of you probably don't know...

"a lovely night...
a lovely night..
a finer night you know you'll never see...
you meet your prince...a charming prince...
as charming as a prince would ever be...

the stars in tha hazy heaven...
tremble above you...
while he's whispering..
"darling i love you"

you say, goodbye...
away you fly...
but on your lips you keep a kiss...
all your life you'll dream of this
lovely...
lovely night..."

haha, wala lang, it got stuck in my head when i was in the tricycle on the way home ^____^

so, math17 is over...i hope..

i wouldn't bet on it though...i think i'm gonna have to repeat it...

oh God...i hope not...

ah well, i'm gonna enjoy mah ass off tomorrow!^_^

and oh,,,,,

WELCOME BACK FATSY!!!!!!! ^_____^

hope to see you soon!! ^_^

thoughts swirling in my mind...

2006-10-15T03:00:00.000-07:00

swirling...round and round...and i can't stop them...

one topic to another...they hover around my head non-stop...and i can't stop them...

and i can't express them well either...

...thoughts on love...

...on life...

...on moving on...

...on religion
...belief
...faith..
.choices
...morals
...experiences
...memories
...dreams...

and so on...

and i can't stop them...

i guess i'm still waiting for my fairytale ending...

i guess i'm just in love with the thought of being in love...

i guess i can't wait to begin again...

i guess i've been a fool to ever doubt my belief...

or maybe i'm just changing....

i am in pursuit of what i truly believe in...

something that is truly my own...

something that has not been forced into me by culture or tradition...

and maybe life has its reasons for making things as it is...

or perhaps the reason is that thereis no reason at all...

maybe i'm just typing a bunch of words that don't make sense...

...maybe i'm just scared for the math exam...

or maybe...

i'm just bored.

what's stopping me??

2006-10-14T10:04:00.000-07:00

what's stopping me??

its the metrocon...on october 28...

today is the last day of registration...

and yet, why am i not registered yet?

...what's stopping me?

...i know.

three persons are stopping me...

and one of them is me.

i kept asking myself why i can't bring myself to tell tito noli that "yes, i will go"

...and then...music flowed inside my mind...

"...i worship at Your throne
whisper my own love song
with all my heart i sing...
for You my Dad and King...
i live for all my days...
to put a smile on Your face
and when we finally meet...
it'll be for eternity
and oh...
how wide You open up Your arms
when i need Your love
and how far You would come...
if ever i was lost...
and You said that all You feel for me
was undying love..
that You showed me through the cross...

...i worship you my God...

...i love you...

..forever i will stay...

....for ever i will be with You..."

...

...and i found myself buying load to talk to tito noli....

"Yes, i will go...."

no matter what other people might say...even if they think they know better than i do....even if they think this is a bunch of crap...even if they have higher IQ's than me and are better at math and science...i really don't care...it doesn't really matter....

everything simply makes sense to me when i sing for Him...

it is up to one's choice to believe it or not...

and i do.

besides, i know they respect my decision.

if they don't, and they laugh, that's their fucking problem.

"...gus2 ko po sumama, pwede pa po ba?"

a break from numbers part two

2006-10-13T08:29:00.000-07:00

i just got off the phone with my best friends...

and i feel a lot better ^________^

at least i know that no matter what happens to my math grades....my bestfriends will always be there to back me up! :D

thanks you guys, labshyu all!! ^______________________^

a break from numbers...

2006-10-13T07:00:00.000-07:00

so many numbers, so little time 0.O

i am on my break from my math-review-session-thingy...i've been reviewing for two straight days now...

i'd like to say thanks to dani and oniichan for helping me out these past two days, hehe ^_^

i kinda regret the days when all i did in math class was apply the formulas and not really take any effort to understand everything clearly...

as a consequence, i found myself a year later, sitting on my bed, surrounded by a myriad of papers while staring at a trigonometric equation involving complex numbers, thinking about how much fun i could be having right now at annie's house instead of being here, alone with nothing but numbers to accompany me...sad...

but...

*spotlight, dramatic moment*

i WILL pass math 17 and move on to math 53...I WILL!! yeah! *hears cheers and applauses*

besides, i don't want to repeat this subject again...too hellish..

---

let's veer away from numbers and talk about something else...

*silence...wind...tumble weeds...*

erm, i can't think of anything...not in the mood..,too scared for math...

help!!

what could it be? (and some other things)

2006-10-10T09:29:00.000-07:00

-random rants about the end of sem

(not a poem, just a bunch of words written in lines)

i walk along on a cloudy night
the trees are bare
the road is crooked
and the light is dull...
but i walk along with a hop in my step
singing a song without tune or words
hearing words echo in my head...

like a child in christmas
like a flower in spring
on a bright, blue morning
i walk along singing a song i made up
until i hit the right note
and a real song made its presence...

"...who'd have ever thought that this could be?
true, he is no Prince Charming...
but there's something there that i just simply didn't see..."

yeah, i know, its crappy mush xp

its not even poetic! XD

but hey, you read it anyway ^_^

if you know the song, feel free to tag right there-----> and tell me where i can download it...i'm limewire-less and kazaa-void and i have no access whatsoever to a P2P software simply because my stupid pc cannot handle it.(plus, i can't install java runtime environment, bah)

"...there may be something there that wasn't there before..."

(oh, my pc isn't stupid by the way, in fact, its me bestfwend...who's a good pc? yes you are! haha! ) x.X
----

(here is the "..and some other things" part)

so, the sem has come and gone...and its sembreak.

i should be shouting mah ass off and shiz, but i'm not...its a kind of a bitter-sweet thing...because i don't think one sem was enough to thoroughly enjoy the company of my new friends....but hey, UP is small (well, not really, but its relatively small compared to the vastness of the universe, which is another story, but you get the point.) and i'm sure a lunchdate can be made at one point or another. i'm gonna miz you guys!

on a lighter note, i'm expecting to see mah beautiful friendships this sembreak! hehe! tulungin, game na! so we can do meris-bashing and vent out how crappy we think our preparation for college has been! yeah!

as Lexie once said..."die math17, DIE!!!"

oh, and did i mention that i'm totally electrified? even though its clearly a one-sided thing, but hey, i'm not complaining here. besides, who needs to get in that much of a complication? i know i don't, haha, screw social standards!

ok, i'm getting hyper here, nikoz, gimmeaglassofwater! heehee! kidding!

i actually brought you that glass of water when you asked for it you know, you just didn't see me...

eniwei, i only have one ME and one exam to finish and i'm done! yay!

----

on a topic very far from what i was talking about a while ago but has been itching to be typed here...

have you ever noticed that negative things are almost always the ones specified and not the positive things?

take the ten commandments for example, most of them are "don't"s...

in philosophical arguments, they first tell you what the fallacies are, not what an argument should contain, but what you should avoid...

the evening news always speak about killings here and wars there...we see "100 people killed!" or "UP students running amuck!" and never "100 babies born!" or "UP students are not rallying!"

(even though the percentage of the population of UP students who rally and protest against the government does not even reach 10% of the whole student population, but that's another post altogether)

it's easier to present a case to disprove a certain theory rather than present every case possible to prove the theory right.

my point is that we tend to see the negative things faster or more often than the positive ones...why is that?

so, does this just prove that we are naturally pessimistic? (even though kevin says that the "nature of humans" don't exist...but that's beside the point) No, this proves that the positive things far outweigh those that are negative. We see good things as being natural, the default, the ordinary...so we tend to focus on the negative, being the creature of laziness as we are, because they are only a few of them and we can identify them easier.

imagine if the Commandments stated everything that a follower should do? us poor kids who go to school to learn about them would have to memorize The 1001 Commandments instead of just 10!

and news become news because they are extraordinary. they are the exemption, not the rule, which makes them stand out.

and imagine if the fallacies weren't specified at all? poor souls who major in Philo...

ho-hum, that's that, i just felt like writing that. ^_^

and btw, UP students are NOT ALL anti-government! puhlease, most of us have better things to do and can actually see the side of the government, thankyouverymuch. but i'm not saying i'm pro-gov't either, because i know, and it is evident, that they are not doing what they ought to (most of the time anyways...what do i know?? i mean, if Gloria is president, then she must see the big picture a heckuva lot better than i do, so i can't really say anything)

i hate it when people who say "naku, UP ka?? baka naman makita ka namin sa balita na nagrarally!" or stuff like that...i've learned a lot more here than i did in highschool, and it truly deserves its name as The University of the Philippines...(sans the fact that most of the facilities are not good, but hey, not all of them are bad..you just think that way because we don't brag about our new buildings or our state-of-the-art EEE laboratories...there!)

i imagine you're bored to death now, so i'm gonna end this post.

"...i wonder why i never felt this way before..."

(oooh...i re-read this post, and i think it could be dangerous...but i'll post it anyway. who cares if everyone finds out? wla namang commotion nung kay 18 eh, why should this case be any different? nyahaha)

aww...end of sem naah...

2006-10-07T07:13:00.000-07:00

its weird, but i'm actually sad that the sem is gonna be over this monday...

awww....i won't see my Math17 buddies or my Philo1 fwends or my CS mates or my Eng11 makulit na cast and prod...huhuhu...

i had a lot of fun this sem, sobra! :)

there were some days na sobrang off and down, pero mas madami ung days na nkakahyper!

so yeah, finally, the drama for our english11 is finished! i think we did well, all things considered. it was such a hassle and i almost died of exhaustion...but hey, it was fun bonding with my classmates! go prod crew! yay!

i feel like ranting about UP right now, so, i will. ^^

what's so nice about going to UP is that i'm basically free to do, well, anything within the margins of the regulations, which is very wide^_^

...and i get to meet people who can talk about both shallow and deep stuff.

ok, to make things easier to write, let me list the Top Ten Things I Like About UP:

10.) you can find almost whatever here...from printing services, hardware, venues, computer stuff...and some of them are really cheap!

9.) i can be conyotic with people who are too.

8.) conversations go from one place to another without even dead spaces in between.

7.) gourmet searching with my friends!

6.)i can have conversations in straight english with people who also do. (i've improved my eengleesh! yay!)

5.) peaceful sceneries. i can just sit down beside the sunken garden and take in the beauty of nature...its also the best place to chat with friends (or "friends") while enjoying the gentle breeze blowing through the rustling greenery...

4.) academic freedom. this is the fountain of knowledge, and i feel like knowing more and more when i study stuff :)

3.) friendships. socialization. i like the feeling that i can strike up a conversation with a total stranger and make friends. i can relate to most of the people without feeling intimidated. and most of them are open-minded and that makes the conversations really interesting (especially for some people *winkwink*)

2.) this place is the perfect place to help me in finding my own identity. i develop my personality while quenching my thirst for knowledge (and people here actually share the same desire to learn as much as i do!) school has never been so diverse before, it has become a real life experience...i swear, here, i feel so challenged, but by being so, i know i can reach heights...i can feel like i could actually achieve something.

and the number one thing i like about UP?

1.) secret.

di, joke lang. ^_^ i can expand my mind and broaden my horizons, because i'm not limited by social standards and traditional thinking, thereby redefining my whole outlook on life as it was when i graduated from highschool.

and..something else.

nyahaha!!!

they say there is no such thing as a coincidence...if so, then...(ok, i better not say it...googling can do a lot of things ^_^)

eniwei, its amazing how much stuff you learn from one person ^^

hmm..i can't think of anything to write about anymore...so i'll end this post with a simple thought...

black.

db tintintin?^_^

^.^

PS: i miss my bestfwendz nah....wabshyu gurlz! :D

i'm blogging in UP!!

2006-09-13T17:42:00.000-07:00

haha! it's my break between math and physics...and i'm in the CSSP cLab :D

heehee, just wondered what it would feel like to blog when the internet is fast...hahaha...!

so anywei, i gotta go and teach myself how to program,...i love my course ^____^!

heehee!:D

a cheesy dream of the future...

2006-09-12T09:39:00.000-07:00

i hope to catch my self on a sunny weekend, sitting on a comfortable chair in a balcony overlooking a nice neighborhood, feeling the cool breeze pass me by while i enjoy some hot toasted pan de sal with some hot milo, with my husband kissing me good morning and asking me what i was thinking...

...and i hope to find myself saying "Oh nothing, just thinking about how happy i am..."

to which, i hope, he would reply, as he bends down to wrap his arms around me...

"yeah, i am too..."

and we'd exchange smiles...

...because words would not be able to explain anything.

~*~*~*~
on a very different topic...(which i'm not so sure i want to post, but here it is)

so we finally worked things out, and i finally found out why he had been acting so cold...

well, he had said that he was never cold to anyone in particular, but i found that hard to believe...

so, yeah, i guess we're cool again...

even though, according to him, we were never fighting in the first place.

at last, now i can eat in peace :)

i told him to smile a bit coz it would make him feel better...and he did, if only to please this person who was trying to cheer him up, but who was apparently failing to a certain degree.

*some words were supposed to be here..haha*

he's one of the very few people in my life i can talk with concerning the most mundane things like ants in his coffee, to the most mind-boggling things like how reality may not exist at all.

and i can actually talk "with" him, not "to" him.

don't get me wrong, i'm just ranting on about him because he's so damn interesting.

he certainly has more substance than some of the guys i've met, haha ^_^

*again, some words i'd rather keep private ^__^*

(reminds me of someone actually...with about the same amount of complexity and cynicism but with a bit more of the loving-life attitide.)

you're hating the way i'm being so vague, noh?

well, if you are, deal with it ^_^

if you're not, then thanks for appreciating my style of writing ^_^

if you don't, then it means enough that you cared to read up until here anyway.

i just feel relieved.

and if you know this person or suspect that you are, in fact, the one i'm writing about...

well, ha ha, congratulations on finding out that i find you interesting***. ^__^ it's really no big deal, duh.

so wipe that oh-so-toothy smile off your face and proclaim to the whole world that i am only, as a matter of fact, second to you in com sci by precisely 5.3 points.

grr, second in computer again...behind some guy who thinks of the world as a figment of one's imagination. (again, reminds me of that other person)

oh well, i dont' really mind :)

the vision of st. mary's was excellence, and i am (not so) proud to say that i've made their vision horribly unfullfilled.

ok, i need to stop writing now before i make this post anymore unpublishable due to content.

...what the hell, it already is anyway.

toodles!

shit. did i just type that in and say it out loud??

i must be reading too much devil-wears-prada-ish books...

math what?? math sucks!!

go UP!!!

2006-09-12T09:12:00.000-07:00

moments trickle past
one by one
slowly engulfing the light
everything is still

its as if ive drowned
in a vast, cold deep sea
barely breathing
slowly fading

seconds pass and i
keep on standing still
listening to a voice
that doesn't exist

night
has enveloped me
leaving nothing but fear
of something unknown

i run away
and trip and fall
i look back and see
what happened to it all?

plunging deep
to another world
escaping vengeance and hatred and fear
wanting so much yet dare not go near

i stop myself short
and search for an answer...

and see that i've made...

nonsense.

hmmm...

2006-09-02T05:55:00.000-07:00

yeah, i can't think of a proper title. so sue me, haha :D

i can't believe it, i'm actually becoming a teentalker, heehee^_^

so...hmmm...what do i wanna tell you guys?

oh yeah, this current fettish of mine for meg cabot's books...

i can't stop reading her works...i mean, i read one after the other, it's crazy. i don't usually read a lot of books in one week, because i like to let the story sink in before i move on...but i seem to crave for more after i finish one...it's weird...

i'm not saying it's not good though, i love her books!

but it's like i'm trying to escape something...my world maybe.

yuck! wait! i don't want to do that whole i'm-so-sad-i-have-to-rant-about-it-all-day thing right now...haha!

i'm currently addicted to reading e-books, and i find it cool that i can bring a 300+ paged book in my cellphone... haha! i love my phone!

must buy new memory card...

...and oh, kevin's still upset....aww...c'mon kev, don't hate us, we didn't do anything wrong...

hehe, well, that's it, need to do some other shit i need to do -__-

math exam on tuesday!!! wish me luck!

bird droppings and panicky rants

2006-08-29T03:02:00.000-07:00

MATH17!!!!!

i have a long exam on sept. 5! noooh!

i wonder if i should drop it? hmm...

if i drop, i'd be safe from a big fat singkoh...

but...if i drop, i won't get the chance for honors and i wouldn't get the chance to get at least a tres...

huhuhu...i'm gonna fail im gonna fail imgonnafail!!!

*breathes in deep*

i'm just gonna stick it out...who knows? i might get a three :)

or not. my bad if that happens.

i'd totally buy one of those "three" poem shirts if i pass math...i swear!

so help me god. ^_^

oh, and why, you might ask, is the title "bird droppings..."?

wala lang ^________^

cowardice and other useless things..

2006-08-26T04:08:00.000-07:00

i have them all...

shuckz.

i hate myself for being such a coward...running away...

well, that's that. i'm not sure how long i can keep this up.

speaking of up...i mean, UP...as in U.P. ...

i haven't made much of a headway with my activities...its just been...well, a bit dull actually.

except for last friday ^_^

nakakatuwa, kasi naglunch kami sa teriyaki boy sa katipunan. kasama ko and aking philo friends, cla patrick, kris, chamie and patricia! ^_^ wala lang, kumain kami habang sinusubukang sagutan ang take-home exam ni patrick...na hindi ko magawa, di kaya ng powers ko -_-.

tapos muntik na aq malate for CS...buti nalang late din si sir...

and that's about it.

i'd like to write more, but i'm really feeling optimistic right now, so i won't rant^_^

not much anyway ;)

anyone have a nice book? i really wanna read something...preferably something of Meg Cabot's...

tell / tag me when you have a nice book to recommend ^_^

choices.

2006-08-22T23:00:00.000-07:00

these past few days have been very nice...and now i have to wonder...

did i make the right choice?

or, more importantly, is a choice ever right or wrong?

from what i see, choices are what create the essence of one's life.

i don't think there is ever a wrong choice... just the 'advantageous' choices and the 'disadvantageous' choices...

just because you made a choice that yielded a not-so-pleasant result doesn't mean it's wrong.

maybe its just comes down to whether you truly wanted that choice, or had made it because of something or someone else...

i mean, it's your choice, not anyone else, and making it doesn't have to depend on anyone else but you...it doesn't have to follow a system...it doesn't have to be verified by scientific truths...it's something you create from your own point of view...so i don't think it's appropriate to judge it as wrong or right.

but even if that is so...there's no denying the fact that we sometimes regret the choices we make...

it's just so frustrating to think that it had been laid out for me, on a silver platter, served with elegant garnishes and genuine spice...and all i said was 'i'd better go inside'...

(i can almost hear lexie's rant of agreement..haha! ^_^)

now it's all pale and withered...and virtually non-existent...as far as i know anyway (and these past few months prove that i do not know anything at all)

so, did i make the right choice?

considering that my choice had made me happy, made me experience more of life, gave me the wildest emotional rollercoaster of my life, got me into a lot of complications and had been completely my own decision...

it did not give the exact result as i hoped it would...

but, yeah, by my standards, it was right.

because it was mine. and it made me a better person.

...anyone who objects...cannot. ^_^

*Life is a choice, and i choose to believe that it is.*

some fun with some french, blow jobs, and dancing

2006-08-18T21:08:00.000-07:00

haha! its not what you might think.. ;p

french...fries? nope.
french...kiss?? nah.
french...people? definitely!

so we went to eastwood with olivier, morgane, marc, lani, tita vivian, ate reina and her friends, papa mussy and kuya pim...it was fun! ^_^

we watched Cueshe's album tour (because olivier likes them), took some pics and then went to Blue Onion to dance and talk and drink...in other words...parteeh!

it was my first blow job that night...i really wanted to try it out...it was hot and i almost wasn't able to do drink it, but i did anyway, and i liked it (btw, "blow job" the wine shot, not the other one) it was cute with the blue flame and all, haha ^_^ ...too bad i didn't get a picture though..

speaking of pictures, we took a bunch of pics which made me thankful that my fone was fully charged...and now, my short term goal is fulfilled! heehee ;p

the night turned to morning with bursts of laughs, teasing, mutilating each other's phones, prank calls and conversations, and before we knew it, we had to go home (ahwww)...we reached our house at around 2:30am (a new record!)

so yeah,it was fun ^_^ add another memory to eastwood city :)

...now i remember why i loved Harry Potter

2006-08-13T01:19:00.000-07:00

nothing i could say can do justice to what i am feeling right now.

words are bursting to flow out my fingers, as i sit here typing these thoughts.

i just have to express my amazement and undying gratitude to the creator of the most enchanting and heart-wrenching story i have read.

i just finished re-reading Book Six...and even though i know the contents...i can hardly keep quiet about how wonderfully magnificent the series is...and since i know that no one will care to even listen to what i have to say, let alone share my sentiments, i am pouring out my thoughts into the bits of data that you are reading now.

amazing. spectacular. every word clenches my heart and drifts me off into the world of magic and wizardry. i feel as if a have been part of the journey, and feel empathy towards the characters, like i have known them, like they were real and have been a part of my life.

crazy talk, you say? yeah, you can call me what you want, i'm just voicing out thoughts that need to come out and cannot be ignored.

i love the book for it gives me a chance to fly off to some far-away land, a land that is familiar and that i hold close to my heart. i plunge into the depths of magic, misery, happiness and triumph, if only to escape my own world of dreariness and plainess.

i am forever grateful to Rowling for granting the world a dimension which once existed only in her mind, and is now captivating the hearts of many. i am sure that the story of The Boy Who Lived will be etched in my heart forever...

some may call the books cursed, evil and demonic...i call them jealous people who can't create a world of their own to share with the people and who resists to take in the magic the books offer.

it is a stroke of pure genius...a work of art, worthy of the eyes of the world...a masterpiece.

Philosophy dictates that something cannot be considered real and true if it does not exist in the real world, and does not pass both the inter and intra-subjectivity tests, which would make the thing fictional and unreal.

but i beg to disagree.

it left me with an emotion tears cannot express, laughter cannot show and words cannot give justice to...emotions race with every letter and every page...giving life to the world that now lives on in the hearts of those who read it,making it very real indeed,though not in the literal
(nor philosophical) sense.

i giggled when Harry started liking Ginny (and when he kissed her).

i laughed when i saw in my mind the image of a bouncing Malfoy ferret.

i trembled when Voldemort was raised from the dead.

i felt Harry's pain when he was forced to make Dumbledore drink the potion in the cave.

i cried when it was Dumbledore's funeral.

i loathed Snape for killing Dumbledore (i wanted to kill Snape myself..he should consider himself lucky that he isn't real, or he'd be dead by now.)

i admired Harry for his courage, because courage is, after all, not the lack of fear, but the judgement that something else was more important than fear.

i marveled at how friendship can endure even the toughest of times.

i smiled when Harry realized that there was, at least, one more peaceful, golden day to enjoy with Ron and Hermione.

yes, i am passionately immersed in a world brought to life by printed letters on a bunch of paper, and i do not know if anyone shares the same feeling and understands...but still...

i wipe the tears from my eyes...

i breathe in deep to savor the story i have just read...

i feel sorry that there is only one Book left in the series...but i am thrilled to read it all the same...

i can't wait for Book Seven. ^_^

something(s) new.

2006-07-29T08:43:00.000-07:00

update.

SUCCESS!! i've successfully counted 100 yellow cars as of july 29, 2006!

haha, wala lang.

~*~*~

new version of layout! it's black now. people say it looks nice..thanks :)

i made it black to match the occassion...

~*~*~

this is pain like no other...

sabi nila,

"kaya mo yan..."

"ganyan tlga..."

"welcome to the club..."

but somehow, that doesn't ease the pain...

i have a hard time eating...

i'm running out of handkerchiefs...they're all wet now.

so i chose to sleep...

para di ko na maramdaman ung sakit...

ok lang, kaya ko 'to...

...braces lang to.

lecheng braces toh! bumabaha na ng laway ko! buti nlang andyan ang mga friends kong nakabraces din...thanks guys! alam kong kaya ko to!

haha, kala mo kung ano noh?? XD

*...everything everything everything i need...*

to-hell-with-...

2006-07-24T21:46:00.000-07:00

hay...

its amazing how a few fords can shatter my world...

yeah...happy now?

so i'm not the mature girl everyone expects me to be...

so what?

let me wallow...

let me weep...

let me bleed...

let me cry..

let me run away...

...i just need time.

*its cheap..yes it is. shut up, it's my blog.*

comments? violent reactions?

...are not welcome. do it in your own space.

too harsh?

too bad.

i'm pissed.

obvious ba?

really ridiculous yet reasonbly reasonable random rants...

2006-07-22T09:56:00.000-07:00

haha!

i thank God for peripheral vision.

i thank God for the ability of humans to run.

i thank God for my life.

just imagine if humans did not have the capability to do the motion called "running"...

i wouldn't be here, typing at 1:00am, to tell you that God is good.

this is my 2nd life, and i am determined to make the most out of it.

---

so, how's life treating ya?

mine's been pretty nice so far...it's amazing how the people around can seem so careless, and then turn out to be overachievers. wow. it actually feels good to be surrounded by all these bright minds....

they're not just kikay gurls anymore...they're beautiful, smart gurls fluent in speaking in english and have real principles.

they're not just jocks...they're athletic guys who can play soccer almost as well as they do math.

basta, un ung point.

it feels good to be able to keep on moving forward...forward...away from the past...accelerating...running...

running away...?

yeah, i am. but i'm gonna have to face it someday...

but for now...

...di nanaman natuloy! tsk! sayang tlga! XD

---

there are times when i feel high...there are times when i bleed...

and when i bleed...its for one reason...

yeah, that's right, i don't need to say it.

---

i heard something...

sabi nung classmate ko...

"in order to say something. some things must be left unsaid."

yeah, in this case, i just won't say anything...

...not yet anyway.

soundtrip and ramblings of a girl-who-likes-to-ask-questions type of person....

2006-07-14T02:08:00.000-07:00

nakakatawa ung nangyari nung isang araw...

pero di ko ikukwentoh :P

sayang tlga...

di ako pinayagan ;)

definiendum, definiens (genus, differentia), denotata...

alam nio ba yan?? philo yan!

...ako din hindi.

hehe! ewud kami bukas! hehe :D

after lunch of course...nagyayaya e, di naman ako makahindi :)

oy, bawal yan, masaya lang tlga makipagkwento ^_^

...

soundtrip...

...

sabi ko na huwag na e, yan 2loy...

di na everyday ang chronic gagging churva ko...

oh well, at least may ewud and overnight:)

...

i got free games! hehe...

now, if you'll excuse me, i will reserve the space inside my skull for learning number systems...

i love programming :)

...

...

25 hrs and 45 mins to go!

kung mali yan, alam nio na kung bakit 15/50 ako sa exam XD XD

5 Stages to Acceptance

2006-07-11T19:47:00.000-07:00

denial.

anger.

bargaining.

depression.

...acceptance.

no, i am not going through these stages.

really, i'm not, i'm fine.

why would i need to go through these? oh c'mon.

no way, nuh-uh.

...

stop thinking that i'm denying! i'm not denying!

ghad...the nerve...

oh well...

Buhay UP, Buhay Freshie, Buhay you-know-what...

2006-07-01T00:27:00.000-07:00

so, it's july...and i am enjoying my days in the University of the Philippines.

its like a city within itself, and the people there are easy to be with...

and as i was walking through the streets of UP...gazing at the towering trees , spread out on the cerulean sky...taking in the peaceful beauty of the sunken garden...walking...alone...

i thought of only one word to describe it...breathtaking.

here, i can be myself. i control what i do with my life. i hold time in my hands.

i meet a new person everyday, making new friends and doing my best to have fun...

i feel peaceful...even if there's still that part of chaos inside me...

sa UP, di ka mabubuhay kapag di ka sanay maglakad. everyday.

nakakapagod, pero masaya din naman.

at wala ka ring malalaman kung di ka magtatanong.

sarisariling diskarte, angaling, parang life..

right now, im scared of a lot of things...

and i'm glad that, even if we're taking different paths, i still have my closest friends with me...

i'm open to new experiences, i want to make the most out of my stay here...

i auditioned for the UP Singing Ambassadors last week, and i'm glad to say i passed the first phase ^_^

i'm going back this sunday for the second phase...

that's about it...i think...hehe...

oo nga pala, masarap ang food sa Katag...try nio, nasa ilalim ng FC.

*if forever ends here, why not start a new one?*

on June 10, 2006...

2006-06-10T23:21:00.000-07:00

i became single again.

perhaps a lot of the YFC people already know this by now.

but i need not explain to the whole world why char wanted this...

it would just frustrate me more when you say you don't understand.

the point is, we are no longer in a relationship.

and no one needs to get mad at anyone...

i need to say thanks to the people who kept me company while i was bawling and crying my heart out...

paopao, na umakbay sa akin, for the "great" advice, the "may kumaway" joke and for introducing me to mr. wiggles a.k.a martina de la brucha...

emem, na nagdala ng jellybeans dun, nagreklamo sa red na jellybean at nag offer na sumayaw sa harap ko...

bodie, na nagkwento ng kanyang nakakatawang experience...

gemmalie, na nagshare ng mga pick-up lines na nakalista...

jeca, who assured me na di nila ako iiwan kasi kaibigan nila ako at nagbigay ng comfort at tubig...

at syempre...

c apple, na bading pa rin, sinamahan ako the whole time, hinawakan ang kamay ko habang umiiyak ako at nagdonate ng isang "puno" galing sa kanyang "gubat"

c tintin, na pinakinggan ako hbang humahagulgol ako sa telepono, sinamahan din ako the whole time, nagbigay ng tissue na pinunit-punit ko, hinawakan din ang kamay ko, binunutan ni apple ng buhok pra ibigay sa akin at hinahawi ang bangs ko...

salamat din sa iba pang mga tao na baka di ko na narecognize...it meant a lot.

thanks din kay papa mussy and jayjay for the stories and the laughs the night before...it really helped a lot...

i don't know what i'm feeling right now...i haven't cried again since yesterday...i feel at peace...and yet disturbed...i'm scared to feel that emptiness in my heart again...i don't know if i'm running away from the loneliness...but i'm a bit stable now...

i don't need to rush to the "getting over" part...i don't need to hate char...i don't need to forget him...because i still love him...but i don't need to wish that we'd be back together...i don't need to wish that we don't get back together either...bahala na c God...

i can go through my days with a smile...pain would still be there...but i can deal with it...even if tears are no longer enough to help me cope...

this is part of God's plan...i'll see where it takes us...

char...

thanks for everything...

iLoveYou. :)

...

oh look...a cutter...

joke! hahaha! i'm against that, remember? ;P

i actually want to try bar-hopping...but i won't do that either...good girl ako, heehee :)

as i've said before...don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. :)

tears of fear

2006-06-08T16:28:00.000-07:00

a piece of my mind

2006-06-07T00:12:00.000-07:00

hey, school's about to start.

time to start learning about stuff again...

back to the equations and the homeworks and the pressure...

but hey, i've never stopped learning anyway..

i've learned things through the summer...

i've learned that love isn't always how we dreamed it to be...

even if you love each other...

he won't always know what you're thinking...

he won't always want to be with you...

he won't always do what you want him to...

he won't always want to talk to you...

he won't always be able to rush to your side just because you miss him.

there are times when you have nothing to talk about...

there are times when it will be boring...

there are times when you get pissed off...

there are times when things get annoying...

there are times when you want to be away from each other.

it's not always roses and candlelight and romance...

it's not always all smiles...

it's not always a beautifully created love story.

sometimes, there is no assurance of a happy ending.

but these things are not enough reasons for you to stop loving.

as long as you keep Trust, Respect and Love intact and burning, there will always be a reason to compromise.

i learned something from the movie "All About Love"...

even if you are not sure about how things would end...

even if you are sure everything would go badly...

even if there is no happy ending in sight...

if love is there...then continue to love.

(and i'm not just talking about boyfriend-girlfriend relationships... this is true even in friendship or family)

sabi nga ng powerpuff girls, "love love love lalalove...lalalove...makes the world go round..."

hay buhay, parang life...

so...what's up?

2006-05-31T07:26:00.001-07:00

whew!

busy days are over!

and now i have the liberty to enjoy the serene and calming atmosphere that is my room...

ah...this is the life...

but i don't have anything to do again...

oh yeah, annie's back! welcome home annie!!

heehee ^_^

we've also finished two successful Youth Camps last May 19-21 and May 26-28...its feels good to do something for God... ^_^

so...school time is here once again...

this summer has been my longest summer yet...

but this time, i don't mind that the summer is ending...

its different this year....not like any other "back to school" feelings...

i feel apprehensive, anxious and excited all at the same time...

hay...i wonder how this year is gonna turn out...

let's just wait and see...

(wala lang, gusto ko lang tlga magpost)

a bunch of thoughts and scribbles

2006-05-23T08:57:00.000-07:00

--"what's all the fuss about?"--

we've all heard about the book called "Da Vinci Code"...

and people left and right are arguing about whether it is good or bad or evil or fiction...

i say, cut the crap.

now, i'm not saying that what the book says is true...

i'm not saying that it's false either.

c'mon people, has any of us ever really seen anything that happened in Jesus' time?

raise your hand if you've actually witnessed the time of Jesus...thought so.

all we have are writings from authors we know nothing of.

but take a look around...

all the things around you...where did it come from? the factory? well, where did the factory come from? where did anything come from? and what keeps this world alive and kicking?

this world proves that there is a God who made everything start and keeps everything going...

some may claim that Jesus has a wife...

some may claim that He doesn't...

but does it matter??

faith isn't about the facts...

because we can't prove if any of our information is true...

faith is about what you believe in, no matter what anyone says...

i believe in goodness, love and caring...

and i believe that God is all of these.

its just a book, don't get too worked up about it...

a person should read not just to judge and disprove...but to weigh and consider.

you can be open minded while keeping your faith.

respect other's opinion while keeping yours.

------*------

--"just a thought..."--

i find it amazing that every second that passes only happens once in a lifetime...

like, the 1st second of the 17th day of april in the year 2006 only happens once...you can never repeat it again!

n-e-v-e-r...*shiver*

-----*-----

--"hectic and happy"--

if you look at my calendar, you'll see a lot of circles...

and letters scattered around them...

there's meetings, outings, interviews...

gone are the days when i sleep all day...

yes! i'm finally doing something in my life!

-----*-----

--"i miss you guys.."--

hala..ano itoh? namiss ko kau bigla...

tulungin! nasaan na kayo??

wala lang...bgla kong namiss and mga boses, kakulitan at kabaliwan ng aking mga kaklase...

hay...

new things to conquer...

but i still hope we can be by each other's side...

hay...

nakakasenti naman...

-----*-----

oh yeah, i just wanted to thank all of you for reading my posts...it means a lot that you'd care enough to read what i've written (even if the reason you read is because you're bored...thanks pa rin ^_^)

so i'll just chill out, listen to "Unbelievable" and let time pass by while i reminisce the wonderful moments of my life...

it feels good to be alive. (and productive)

peace out.

Resh an Orientation P Gram, thoughts, and other words...

2006-05-12T23:59:00.000-07:00

---

you know, i think i would have been a daddy's girl...if he had stayed with us...heehee.

---

i had a funny day last may 11...

i went to the school of economics building...i was 30mins early for my college briefing...

at 8:00, there was still no one around, but i just thought everyone was late...

at 8:30, i finally asked the guard, and i found out that i was supposed to go to the college of engineering building!

so instead of being 30mins early, i was 30 mins late.

and i didn't know that i was supposed to register my name before i come in, so i was the last to be called when they were handing out the form5A's...

hay...oh well, i met a few people though, they were all very nice ^_^

i really need to learn to ask...hehe:)

and besides, i got to eat at TokyoTokyo after that...all by myself..hehe..

---

so we had this "Freshman Orientation Program" the next day...

the hosts were really funny XD

they had a sign up fron that was supposed to say "freshman orientation program"

but the letters f, m, r and o feel down...

so it read "Resh an Orientation P Gram"

ahahahahaa!!

UP fight! UP Go! UP Fight!

i feel like an iska already :)

---

accelerating.

so yeah, i've got a lot of work now...lots of things to do, being a Camp Servant and all...

and enroling in UP also filled up my calendar...

i haven't got a lot of sleep...

and my body hurts...

thank God!

i finally have a purpose.

what it is, i don't know.

but whatever happens in my life has a reason.

i don't need to know that reason.

i just have to have faith that the reason is there.

:)

...searching...

2006-05-03T03:28:00.000-07:00

What is my purpose in this world?

Today, all I did was watch some TV, eat, sleep, drink, surf the net and eat some more...

I am stuck in my room...

While the world goes by without me.

I watch as everyone in my world live their own lives...

while i am just here...listening to the sound of my own emptiness...

Silence mocking this burdened feeling...

I was once told that one person could change the world...everyone is important...everyone can do his/her part...

So...what am I doing here?

I am a lonely speck of dust...insignificant to the universe...

I have done nothing but fulfill my useless craving to watch TV...my useless thirst to surf the net...my useless desire to sleep the whole day...

I am useless.

Wasted.

Shame on me.

On this very moment, someone might be saving lives, or doing something monumental...

While I am here..lost in this abyss of confusion and hollow blackness...

I need to find myself...

In this world full of darkness and light...

I must have a reason to live...

I must find what my mission is...

I want to feel that exhilarating feeling of doing something for a good purpose...

God...help me.

What is my purpose in this world?

...

Oh look, my favorite show is on. *yawn*

PBB craze

2006-04-29T04:53:00.000-07:00

o craze nga ba? hehe :)

well, in my opinion, i think the show fully illustrates what the teenage world is now going through.

di maintindihan ng ibang mga adults and ibang mga inaasal ng mga tao doon, just goes to show na marami silang di alam...(hehe, no offense naman)

we are in no position to judge the intensity of other people's problems..

the feeling is real...unreasonable sometimes, but real.

and we can't condemn someone because of that.

iyakan agad cla noh? kasi naman, walang TV, walang internet, walang telepono, walang cellphone, walang radyo...

there's nothing in there to help them get their mind out from their problems ...so, ang chikahan, nauuwi sa iyakan...baka wala na kasi clang mapagusapan.

db ganun naman tlga tayo? kapag nagbobonding tayo, minsan may iyakan..at pagkatapos, feel na feel natin na close na tayo sa isa't isa dahil nakapagshare tayo.

hehe, wats da point of this post?

ewan.

i don't need a reason to publish my thoughts online.

heck, i don't need a reason for lots of things.

uuh...go PBB?

*sometimes, life's reason is to give reason to it*

new layout again!

2006-04-27T07:15:00.000-07:00

yehey!!!

i finally managed to make a decent layout!!

the inspiration came from may*star, and my reference is lissa explains...

yey!!

now i can finally say that i made my layout..heehee.

this is an original masterpiece of chardane...hehe :)

yey!

Ice Cream Surprise :)

2006-04-25T04:05:00.000-07:00

i just had my teeth pulled out of my mouth, and i now have a foriegn object called an "appliance" inside it, grasping and pulling my remaining teeth...

its an alien device that irritates me whenever i eat...

and it prevented me from going to tintin's house today.

plus, it kinda hurts.

but, hey, it just did an amazing thing...

it brought me a surprise, delivered right to my door/gate...

so there i was, minding my own business (watching TV and staring blankly at the screen)...

and then suddenly, my phone rings...

a message appears and i quote...

From: TiNTiN :)

"Char, lbas k ng bhay m..Ü"

and so i went outside..

and i saw...

monsters.

whoops! joke lang guys! (^_^ V

what i really saw were four smiling faces, bringing ice cream and with it, laughter... :)

tin, apple, fatsy and charchar...

all there just to see little ol' me...

how sweet. ^_^

and i got a chance to clear up something.

now, i sit in front of this screen, enjoying the wonderfully delicious ice cream, feeling very happy...

but this feeling isn't because the ice cream tastes great...

it's because of the smiles that i recieved today.

it meant a lot.

thank you. ^_^

i'm unproductive

2006-04-24T03:00:00.000-07:00

and bored.

hay..

oh well, i have a new phone..

and i'm working on a new layout, inspired by this one..heehee ^_^

need to say sorry to nikos for whatever trouble i've caused...sowee!

and i'm getting my teeth mercilessly pulled out of my mouth at 10am today....*shiver*

i'm really bored...i sleep all day and surf all night.

whatta waste of golden time.

i should be ashamed of myself.

oh well..i hope the teeth-pulling wont hurt .

...

gonna get braces!

scribbles

2006-04-19T10:29:00.000-07:00

i just thought of something...

"when love is the question, love is the answer."

ahihi, i thought about that when i remembered char asking "why do you love me?"

i said i didn't know...we both always say that...because we just don't know...

because we just do.

ahaha, cliche right?

luma, gasgas, bulok, watever.

the great thing about cliches is that...
they become cliches...
because they're true.
(most of the time)

i've never thought of the life of a girlfriend before i met char...

it was just me and my world full of good, happy and safe people...

i never planned on having a boyfriend...

not before college, i suppose...

i never planned on having all these unexpected experiences...

the tears, the sorrow, the pain, the jealousy, the smiles, the laughter, the moments...

it just goes to show that not everything turns out the way you planned...

sometimes, they turn out better.

right, char? :)

it is almost 4:00 in the morning...

2006-04-15T04:17:00.000-07:00

and i am still awake! yeah! summer rocks!

ahem...

and, ah yes...i have a new layout!

heehee, its not my code though, it was made by this gurl called May*Star (i know how hard coding is, so i simply cant take the credit for her work) , and its just what i was looking for, then i just tweaked it a bit to suit my taste...

you're not seeing errors, everything's really supposed to be overlapping and all...ahaha, i like it.

this just needs a little more work...

agh, my head hurts...i'll post more next time...

tag me and tell me what you think..heehee, just curious :)

a lot has happened since graduation...

watch out.

a day before the graduation...

2006-03-28T02:12:00.000-08:00

"good morning teachers, i greet God in you with my God within, praised be Jesus and Mary..."

until it became...

"good morning teachers, praised be Jesus and Mary..."

"...now and forever. take your seat."

"...thank you madam."

and so it began.

...

we are one...we are two...we are three...we are four...we are three-hundred-and-eighty-two...

graduating from St. Mary's College of Quezon City...

they call us Batch 2006...

or troublemaking, noisy students.

i spent eight years in this place...

feeling the air in the morning, the stench of the bathroom, the noise of my fellow noisemakers...

hay...

i've never really thought i'd leave this place...

not because i take it for granted...

but, i guess, it never occured to me that it was temporary...

i mean, i've alaways heard of graduations and leaving schools, but it always seemed so far away from me...from the life that i have with my friends, classmates, teachers, homeworks, quizzes, UA's, tardiness, uniforms and rules...

it seemed to me like the normal way of life...it was natural for me to go to this place everyday for 5 days every week...if i had to do something, sa school na lang; if i had to ask about something, sa school na lang; if i needed something, sa school na lang; if we needed to meet, sa school na lang.

it was always there for me to enjoy, to cherish, to own...

and as i sat there, on the floor of the recently built marian centro, surrounded by my friends, classmates and batchmates while fussing to get our grad invitations, it seemed so unreal that in two days, this place will no longer be mine...

i looked around, and i saw familiar...well...familiar everything...

trees

faces

uniforms

buildings

voices

friends

teachers

lovers

the sky

the wind

the people...

here, i feel secure

here, i feel safe

here, i am known and accepted for who i am.

it is just so unreal that i will leave this place...

my comfort zone.

i won't see the same set of faces that i got used to seeing everyday...

the ones who made me laugh and cry, who taught me how to be strong, who taught me how to love and give a part of myself for others...

you know who you are...

the ones who always manage to make me smile...

the one who listens to me when i need someone to talk to...

the one who puts some sense into my thoughts and make me think a lot...

the ones who inspire my creativity even if they're not aware...

the one who i can talk with freely and discuss endless topics with...

the innocent-and-pretty one...

the not-so-innocent-and-pretty one who never agrees when i tell her she is...

the one who i can sing japanese songs with...

the one who i consider as the kindest person ever...

the ones who make guys melt...

and everyone who became a part of me and gave life to Charlyn Diane Gonda...

all i can say now is...

THANK YOU.

"this song is hard to sing, because goodbyes are hard to say..."

so, i won't bother saying it...

this is not goodbye...

we leave each other to go on separate ways...but we remain in each other.

...

riiiiiiiiiiiiiing!

"...goodbye 1-Makabayan/2-Mapagkalinga/3-Masayahin/4-Matulungin..."

"...goodbye and thank you teachers, may the Lord reward you..."

and so it ends...?

no...

and so it continues...

this moment...

2006-03-06T06:17:00.000-08:00

hey, zup?

feeling ok?

sitting down on your chair?

or lying in your bed?

either way, are you comfortable?

are you inside your house?

or in an internet cafe?

sosyal ka naman...

have you eaten yet?

can you actually read this post?

good for you...

did you know that you're so blessed?

...

i bet you'll say...

"yeah, i've heard that a million times before.."

you've heard that before because it's true...

as you read this now...someone is crying with hunger...

as you rest there in front of this screen...someone might be wet from the rain...with no shelter..

while you are reading this...

someone is laughing...

someone is shouting...

someone is born...

someone is sleeping soundly...

someone is imprisoned...

someone is losing hope...

someone is shopping...

someone is sick...

and someone might be dying...

the world revolves...with or without us..

time rushes past...with or without us...

there is a vast number of people living on earth...

so what?

ewan.

basta, malaki ang mundo...

madaming bagay...

di lang tayo ang may problema...

but we are in no position to judge the intensity of another person's problem...

all we can do is ease each others burdens...

by listening.

no, not giving advice...

just listening...

un lang.

walang koneksyon no?

miss ko lang c char.

wind

2006-03-05T05:43:00.000-08:00

i sit by myself and stare at nothing...

i feel a breeze pass through...

a cold breeze..

as cold as the faces turned away from me...

that's right..

i am air...

unnoticed lest i move...

wished for whenever the sun gets too hot...

condemned when the weather is cold...

unseen...unheard..

so i stay still...

not knowing what to feel...

what to do...

how to act...

then a cloud sits beside me...

noticing my colorless being...

i begin to move...

Something New

2006-02-10T05:57:00.000-08:00

and something scary?

somehow, i don't think so...

i'm actually excited about it...

a clean slate...

starting all over again...

a chance to make new friends...

a chance to prove my worth..

an opportunity to find my niche...

a time to do everything i ever wanted to do...

and more..

scary? not so much...

just full of hope...

yeah..

damn it. still need to practice for the poetry reading night.

Into the Realm of Magic

2006-01-28T07:37:00.000-08:00

haha, cguro andami nang naglagay ng ganitong title sa blog nila...hehe:)

it was a prom like no other...

full of...

ewan...

its just that it's special...

maybe because of the fact that char was there...

maybe because of the fact that all my friends were there...

maybe because it wasn't very cold like last time...

maybe because the food was delicious...

maybe because the place was beautiful...

maybe...

because it was a night filled with love...

for friends and for lovers...

maybe even for foes...

one night where we left our worries outside the walls of Manila Hotel...

and focused on savoring every drop of second that came our way...

*sigh*

in that realm of magic...

News!

2006-01-22T00:20:00.000-08:00

hey! sorry sa mga classmates kong antagal nang kinukulit akong magupdate...hehe:)

anywei, its another new year!

and my dream of legality has come true...hehe:)

i started the year with the right thing...heehee..

this past week was very tiring for the whole class because we had to prepare for the intramurals annual dance thingy...

i haven't been able to write much because something always needs to be done...

like a project...

or a review for the quiz...

or a homework...

or a report...

or else, my computer breaks down (as it usually does) and leaves me screaming crazily around the room...

sigh...

not much to say, except that i'm happy with my life...

even though sometimes i trip over rocks along the way...

the fact remains that im still standing..ryt?

i wonder what will happen this year?:)

i just don't like it when i don't get enough sleep.

2005-10-04T06:04:00.000-07:00

i prepared my effing report for El Fili.

i didn't get to report at all.

i prepared my damn report for physics.

i didn't get to report at all.

i started the centerpiece for our table setting.

it wasn't needed.

i crammed the assignment for TLE.

it wasn't checked.

the Ignacian Imprint was released.

i'm not even in the list of the editorial staff (even though i was supposed to be)

and the one thing that i forgot to do was my "sulating pormal"

that was passed to the teacher.

*sigh*

worthless overtime work. i slept at 3:00! badtrip. sobra.

but hey, at least i got the work done.

*sigh*

oh well.

i just don't like it when i don't get enough sleep.

how long has it been...

2005-09-26T07:10:00.000-07:00

since i last posted?

haha...i've been so busy with school work...ghad.

i even stayed awake for more than 24 hours just to finish a project...

hay...the things i do for my grades..

...is sometimes too much.

but i'm happy with the way things are going right now.

i may not be fully content...

but i'm happy.

how about you? :)

The Magic Is Here...

2005-09-10T06:56:00.000-07:00

at ENCHANTED KINGDOM!
(Im blogging agen!)
haha!

Sept. 9, 2005 was the date of our awesome and almost magical field trip!

first off, we went to the Yakult factory, where we saw how they made that milk (which is not really milk but billions of "good" bacteria called Lactobacili shirota strain...or somethin like that)

then we went to Gardenia (you know, the bread) and saw the completely computer-operated factory.

then we had our lunch at WalterMart (McDo, as usual) and after eating, the bus took us to the most awaited destination of the day....

yup, you guessed it

Enchanted Kingdom!

Honestly, we were like little kids wanting to go to the amusement park. we got our tickets from madam and went inside the magical kingdom. everything outside of the walls of EK just seemed to vanish, even though we had to do a paper on it.

we enjoyed every ride we could get to and never stopped to even buy something to eat.

we rode the Grand Carousel (who says it's for babies only??)
the Flying Fiesta (swings in the air!)
the Anchors Away (talk about getting nauseous!)
the Wheel of Fate (even though i had a terrible fear of heights, they forced me to ride!)
the Rialto (a literal motion picture!)
the Log Jam (drop and get wet!)
the Rio Grande (where we waited in line for 30mins and got soaking wet! yeah!)
the Roller Skater (a mere warm up for what's next)
and...the Space Shuttle (ooooh..*shiver*)

we were crazy picture addicts at the bus, taking pictures of everything and everyone! we even had pictures of bare feet...hahaha!

it suddenly rained hard when we were about to go back to the bus, but we had to get back quickly because we were late and they said that madam was getting angry...but that's another story..we got back up the bus with every part of us dripping wet, and everyone had to change in his or her own seat, taking turns to cover each other up. some of us felt dizzy (like me) but the fun went on. pictures here, pictures there, flashes here and there.

all in all, it was such a funfunfunfun day! (can't you tell?) every moment captured in the unlimited and immortal films of my heart.

a very fitting and worthy last field trip as a high school student.

Judgement Day

2005-08-06T04:43:00.000-07:00

ghad. UPCAT. the once in a lifetime opportunity to get into one of the best schools in the Philippines. If you blow it, you'd never have the chance to get in, ever.

i should have been shaking with nervousness when i woke up this morning...but i didn't. in fact, i didn't even feel that i was taking the UPCAT today..hehe. i don't know if that was a good sign or not....

well, i got through the test.

i arrived at the testing site 2 hours before 12:30pm (my scheduled session)...guess we overestimated the traffic. i forgot my cellphone back home, so mom had to give me hers instead.

as i marched up the stairs to the testing room, i felt like i was on a field trip of some sort...maybe its because of the fact that i didn't study the night before because there was a brown out here..heehee.

as the test went on, thankfully, my brain worked pretty well, and i got through the test quite sure of what i shaded in there...

i just wish they'd disregard the math part.

hehe.

bahala na si God. if UP was meant for me, then i'll pass.

if it's not, well, maybe i'd pass the ACET! heehee.

i wonder what college life will be like?

Peace and relaxation...even for a while.

2005-07-24T07:46:00.000-07:00

Matulungin '06 Retreat '05- July 20-22, 2005

ay...if i would post what had happened...wala nang thrill sa iba...

hehe! bsta masaya! i learned a lot of things...

re-treat: n. 1.withdrawal in the face of opposition, or from a dangerous or unpleasant situation. 2.withdrawal to a safe or private place.

betania is so peaceful...it's like a slice of heaven on earth...

the air is so fresh and so...delicious! swear, you can't experience that kind of air here in Quezon city...

the food was great too...and the activities were fulfilling...

i had time to think there...the place gives you a chance to discern and all...though it doesn't give you complete wisdom... at least you're away from the problems and see them in a better POV...i think..hehe

time will never wait....we are young now...but we can never grow younger...otherwise, we're not growing at all, right?

ansarap magbasa ng letters kapag ganung atmosphere...

the place practically screams "peaceful"...everywhere you look, there are green trees, trees, trees, plants, flowers, nature, nature and more nature!

in a word, "nkakasenti"...pero para sa akin...nkakarelax un...

it was like time stopped and we were just there...as if the tons of homeworks and projects and term papers that we had to do the week after were unreal...

"Ephemeral tranquility" as selle would put it.

we had our well deserved rest after more than a month of hectic schoolwork.

*sigh*

but were back from the ethereal beauty that we experienced...

back to the pile of academic work that we are obliged to do....

but at least we had our rest...

"don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" di ba?

i'm tired...

2005-07-08T08:38:00.000-07:00

really tired.

physically, emotionally, mentally...

tired. exhausted. flat out.

haay.

but this is just the tip of the iceberg.

yup, it's gonna be a looooooong senior year.

reco-letter ko ah.

hay. i'm tired...

i was lying on my bed a few hours ago...

i said to myself:

"never mind the phone, it can wait...
don't mind the cellphone, it can wait...
ignore the laptop[which i don't have,btw]it can wait...

never mind the homewo-

OMG! i have homework!

argh. tons of things to do.

thanks to the people who cheered me up a bit.

*deep sigh*

no time to rest...

i'm tired.

a reminder

2005-07-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

mejo malayo pa retreat namin...july 20.

pero...

retreat/reco-letter ko ah!

don't forget!

...

er...un lang :)

Last Rhymes

2005-07-04T06:31:00.000-07:00

I hear myself thinking
then suddenly, there's silence
not only in my head
but also in my soul

so i pick up a pen
and write a few lines
thinking of you and then
words come out in rhymes

a roar of memories
flooding my being
a rush of pained comedies
yet...what am i feeling?

everything started so cliche enough
on the seventeenth of may
not knowing it will be tough
just merely seizing the day

2 months, 3 weeks
we spent that much time
but now that i think of it
t'was as fast as a chime

i sit here right now
in the transition of day
soon sunrise will show
and life would give way

we talked about it
and i made it clear
i'll break away from habit
but hold memories dear

I think i'll regret
no, i'm sure i will some time
but i chose this road to where
i think we'll most blossom

So now where are we?
not together, that's for sure.
i'm between sad and happy
but maybe, at last, wounds will cure

Going through might be hard
Lessons learned are my trump cards
Every moment is stored inside me
Never will i forget this love story.

[written on the 26th of june...i think.]

Barangay Youth Camp '05

2005-07-03T06:17:00.000-07:00

Grabe, galing ni God.

Kahit pagod na ako, wala na akong boses, at madami pang gagawin...kailangan ko lng tlga ikwento ang somewhat-ironic-and-really-fulfilling youth camp! The first ever barangay youth camp in the history of yfc!

It was held at Inocentes Farm this July 2-3, 2005. ang ganda nung place; trees everywhere, may pond, nice atmosphere. The session hall was this one big room, no stage or whatsoever. When we got there, we arranged the registration table. Ang aga nga dumating nung participants, buti nalang nkaayos na kmi agad.

So then, morning worship muna, and that time, I felt that this camp was going to be really interesting and different from my other camps so far...

I was right.

Session 1 with kuya Greg started and the problems began. We didn't start on time, so we were 1 hour late on our schedule[kasalanan ng tocino, jowk]. Pero cge, ok lang. Then two of our participants went missing. We found them, coz eventually they came back, but they didn't reach the end of the camp.

Some distractions came while session 2 with ate Lheng was underway, but we were able to sort things out somehow. Nagshare nga pla ako nun, first time, hehe.

Then we proceeded to the discussion groups. 16 DGs ata lahat, brothers and sisters. Ok naman daw ung mga members, pero angaling nung ibang brothers, ung iba walang assistant faci,ung iba pito ang members.

Lunch was good,at nkapagpahinga kami nung siesta time. nkapag teaching of songs din kmi, coz we had some spare time. Angaling nung mga members, madaling natuto! They especially liked "One Way", heehee. Nagsimula na mawala boses ko.

Maganda naman ung flow ng session 3 with kuya EJ, and then at last, session 4 with kuya Ezra came, and with it came the "tongues workshop". Andaming support! Grabe, halos lahat kmi sa service team kabado sa mangyayari na sunod...Baptism.

Tumulong ako sa pagaarrange ng stuff, tapos nung wala nang kailangan gawin, naging prayer warrior ako. (prayer warriors pray continuously for the whole duration of the baptism.)

Then a car alarm went off loudly outside. Right then and there, I felt that something was gonna happen.

I was really right.

Both our team heads, Glen and ate Deney broke down. I don't know if I should describe it as weird or nkakatakot or whatever, pero grabe, kakaiba tlga.

They both got through eventually, at nkapagpraisefest pa rin kmi. Ang galing ng praisefest! Even the participants were singing and jumping along, so we were like one big bouncing ball, singing our lungs out.

Pagtapos nun, wala na tlga akong boses.

Parang wake-up call sa akin ung mga events that night. It was like a blessing in disguise. [Ok, a very big and convincing disguise, but perhaps a blessing nonetheless]. Because for the past months, I've been physically present in yfc, but only half-spiritually present. That night was a big alarm clock that woke me up and made me feel how I felt a long time ago when I realized I wanted to serve in yfc. Grabe, ang galing.

The first day ended with a lot of thanks and congrats from ate deney and kuya glen. Natulog na kmi ng mga 2:00am dun sa session hall mismo. It was cold, and we woke up at quarter to five to take our baths and get ready for the rest of the youth camp.

Session 5 with doc Gerry went well, then the dialogue with parents and the mass came next. After that, we had the meeting to congratulate each other for the job well done and then we had lunch. We were supposed to go to Java Fix to relax, but my mom said I had to rest and do my homework. Oh well, I had fun anywei!

So there, Barangay Youth Camp '05 at Inocentes farm. It wasn't the best youth camp in the history of yfc, we still had our mistakes, but we did our best and that makes it a great camp. God was with us throughout this camp, and everything is credited to Him! heehee!

I'm tired, but I'm fulfilled.

Wasted Ink

2005-06-23T03:12:00.000-07:00

I sit on the snow i made up in my mind
i feel cold shivers down my spine
head spinning with a whirl of memories
i'm barely moving, just passing by time

i watch as the world goes by without me
wanting to grasp and yet out of reach
engulfed in darkness in the light of day
i struggle to get up, but all in vain

i lay back down and stare at the sky
only, it disapeared, and i see nothing
i close my eyes for hope of light
yet emptiness is all i hear inside

i scribble some words, just letting it out
hardly making sense, but i don't really care
life as i know it is falling apart
fading away...into the dark

i sit here alone, the pain in my chest
i don't wanna think, my body won't rest
my mind wanders off somewhere far away
drifting off tonight...with nowhere to go

i write a few more before i fall asleep
hoping my dreams would do me some good
as i lay back and stare at nothingness
i just wasted my ink with all of this nonsense.

below the table

2005-06-18T20:45:00.000-07:00

it's so sad..

that everything has to have a dark side...

day has night, light has dark...

truth has lies...

one thing said is another thing meant...

...

ack. nkalimutan ko na ung isusulat ko.

bsta...

i think our lives would be easier if we undestood each other...

and not proceed to judging one another...

strangely unreal

2005-06-07T00:00:00.000-07:00

i went to school today to work on my college application...

i met Ynna there, she was my classmate in grade 3...

we're not really close, in fact, we hardly ever talk to each other at all.

but today was different. we talked about things like we were close friends or something. college, family, people we like, people we don't like, college courses, our future and lots of other stuff.

then i met nikos and apple and mark and tintin and sir inacay and maann and kristine...ghad! i had a really nice time, just goofing off and talking about stuff that we all care about that some people wouldn't bother with at all.

i wonder if the school will really push through with that plan?

then we went to McDo, (tenkyu nikos!) and we just laughed our heads off at petty things; about the SCL, about jokes that are corny and yet funny...nkakaaliw talaga. (we were soo noisy..hehe) everything was like an extension of my life beyond reality...i dunno...

maybe i just felt happy...

maybe i just want to hold on to every speck of memory with my friends, so that none of it will fade away...

maybe...i just... missed them. :)

The thing with us Filipinos

2005-06-06T00:58:00.000-07:00

look around, our country is full of disasters, full of garbage, full of blood, full of tears.

but, we always manage to get through it all.

everywhere you hear, people are listening to love songs, watching dramatic telenovelas, crying their eyes out in front of the screen because of a couple created by fiction.

but that's what's great about us filipinos.

we are so romantic.

that is very evident in our culture and history. we have the old fashioned "harana", the tradition of the guy meeting the parents and so on. we get mushy at times and tend to get overly dramatic about stuff...most of us are sensitive and take things more seriously than needed.

that's the problem with us filipinos.

we are so romantic.

so much so that we are prepared to give everything, even our own life, to the one we love. we weep at loses, we cry at heart breaking songs, we shed tears for the destined but unlucky couple who did not get together. we feel compassion when someone dies, we support each other through good times and bad times...

but then again, that's what's great about us filipinos...right?

new layout!

2005-06-05T08:06:00.000-07:00

hehe, first ever layout made by me!

click on the words inside the "navigate.navigate.navigate" thingy to see the profile, tagboard and such.

tag kau a!:)

Fish in the marketplace

2005-05-31T01:58:00.000-07:00

just got back from laguna...

here goes...

have you ever heard the silent scream of a fish?

i did.

they lay there, like they're just sleeping...

then the person who sells them picks one up..

he then opens the head part of the fish...the mouth of the fish instantly opens...

that's when i heard it...

the scream coming from the fish's open mouth...

like it knew its brain was gonna be taken out...

then finally, blood comes out of its mouth...

it's dead.

sounds silly?

i know...

but imagine if it was fish who ate humans...

disgusting right?

post

2005-05-17T22:02:00.000-07:00

have you ever had those times when you think nothing makes sense...

then you ask somebody about that...

and before you can finish the question, it suddenly makes sense?

Rewind

2005-05-16T00:11:00.000-07:00

Last night, under the stars, i wept
behind curtains, while the sunlight slept
Silent tears i cannot hide
feelings long gone, growing inside

Shrouded in darkness with nothing to see
Only you from afar, not seeing me
I'm back in this trap, chained and locked
every word shunned, everything mocked

Here it is again, the weight of my heart
World seemingly drawn in black and white art
you heard, i know, but never listened
Now here i am again, tired and weakeaned

I'm back again to where i once started
Familiar things that i once thought ended
comes flowing back only now different
this old feeling awakened, only very different

Dark cold, yet noisy inside
it started again, i have to hide
Once more i feel this feeling that died
but now it's you that's left in my mind

As much as my heart and soul wants to stay
i just cannot bear the pain on the way
I'll just freeze my heart, ice cold and blue
i need to keep myself from thinking of you

I sit here thinking as time passes time
Thoughts silently flowing with rhythm and rhyme
I never noticed, i never knew...
Damn....i just made a poem only for you.

<<:i forgot how good it feels to write on a blog:>>

Dust

2005-05-13T06:07:00.000-07:00

One of the little wonders
that life would often offer
The curious falling dust
that shows in early after dusk

Soaring low, floating aimlessly
Swimming in air, shining beautifully
Falling, rising, falling once more
Silently flowing, not doing much more

Yes i know, they're seemingly worthless
Miniature objects, stuff that are lifeless
But what good are they if we cannot see
how still and static life can be

The little things might never matter
Dust in the air might never solve world hunger
But as this foolish poem ends, just wonder
Isn't it that little things do matter?

blog for poems...

2005-05-12T06:30:00.000-07:00

haha...new blog made specially for my poems!

anywei (as kuya isidor once said) i write to express, not to impress ok? so it's not my problem if you think a poem sucks. and all poems here are protected by copyright laws. leave a comment if you can...hehe! maybe i'll put occasional whatevers...but...whatever. enjoy! (i hope.)